Ponderous Simplicity

I had an interesting experience this past Sunday. I was asked to participate with 5 other women from my ward to participate in what ended up being called a focus group. Our Stake Presidency asked that this happen and the group was run by a member or our Stake Presidency.

The purpose? The Stake Presidency wanted to hear from us personally what we felt were the unique challenges and opportunities of being a Young Single Adult at this time. Alot of things were shared by the different sisters that attended but a couple things stood out to me both then and since as I've thought about it. Going into the meeting I really had no idea what it was about or exactly why we were there but once it was explained what I'm going to share with you was the main things I thought about then, shared, and have continued to think about. And it is something I think is applicable across all age ranges or varying places in life.

Are you real and honest with those you interact with especially when we are talking about our wards and specifically Relief Society (or if any guys read this Elders Quorum:P), since this was the focus of the focus group. It seems to me, too often we put on a pretty face, smile, give generic comments, and pretend that everything is rosy and life runs perfectly and smoothly.

Why do we do this? Since this is my blog you of course simply get my opinion, though I always love to hear what others have to say if you feel so inclined to comment :)

I think there are several factors that contribute. One reason I think is a misappropriation of the gospel and what it means to be striving to become perfect. Sometimes the "fake it until you make it" isn't applicable. I feel like an environment within the church has been fostered that encourages us to say, "Everything was great! It was the best thing ever!" And not that we can't say those things, but acknowledging that the mission was a struggle and there were at least as many difficult times as good times, and that being a parent is HARD though rewarding, or that being single has some advantages but it can be lonely and difficult to understand and know your purpose is super important. Projecting a perfect image simply distances us from others and allows no real connection. Sadly, this is a tool of satan because when we feel disconnected and different we often turn to false substitutes that satan whispers will fill that need or void.

Also, we may feel that others will judge us or think less of us because we aren't "perfect." I know this is something I struggle with. I know I often equate struggling with weakness and inadequacy - but we all have weaknesses and are inadequate in some way or the other. This is for a reason and purpose - so that we turn to our Savior who said He would make weak things become strong and that His grace is sufficient.

The last thing I think is a factor is our lack of connection with others and our understanding of how to share appropriately to build deeper relationships. The internet and social media have created an interesting environment where it can be easy to be fake and project a persona rather than who we are but it also sometimes fosters the feeling that we can share anything and everything with anyone and everyone. Both of these are unhealthy and damaging as we try and create true and fulfilling relationships of any kind. If I don't honestly seek and inquire about someone and realize there is a process of sharing and that it must start at a superficial level and through repeated experiences move to more personal or intimate than it will be difficult to have an environment where someone would share with me or I would feel comfortable sharing with them.

So what can I do? What can YOU do? How can we develop in our wards, RS, homes, interactions - a safe place where we are real and honest and seek to provide space where others feel they can be as well?

For me the biggest thing I can do is focus on being real, honest, and seeking to truly know others. What are your thoughts?