Ponderous Simplicity

I had an interesting experience this past Sunday. I was asked to participate with 5 other women from my ward to participate in what ended up being called a focus group. Our Stake Presidency asked that this happen and the group was run by a member or our Stake Presidency.

The purpose? The Stake Presidency wanted to hear from us personally what we felt were the unique challenges and opportunities of being a Young Single Adult at this time. Alot of things were shared by the different sisters that attended but a couple things stood out to me both then and since as I've thought about it. Going into the meeting I really had no idea what it was about or exactly why we were there but once it was explained what I'm going to share with you was the main things I thought about then, shared, and have continued to think about. And it is something I think is applicable across all age ranges or varying places in life.

Are you real and honest with those you interact with especially when we are talking about our wards and specifically Relief Society (or if any guys read this Elders Quorum:P), since this was the focus of the focus group. It seems to me, too often we put on a pretty face, smile, give generic comments, and pretend that everything is rosy and life runs perfectly and smoothly.

Why do we do this? Since this is my blog you of course simply get my opinion, though I always love to hear what others have to say if you feel so inclined to comment :)

I think there are several factors that contribute. One reason I think is a misappropriation of the gospel and what it means to be striving to become perfect. Sometimes the "fake it until you make it" isn't applicable. I feel like an environment within the church has been fostered that encourages us to say, "Everything was great! It was the best thing ever!" And not that we can't say those things, but acknowledging that the mission was a struggle and there were at least as many difficult times as good times, and that being a parent is HARD though rewarding, or that being single has some advantages but it can be lonely and difficult to understand and know your purpose is super important. Projecting a perfect image simply distances us from others and allows no real connection. Sadly, this is a tool of satan because when we feel disconnected and different we often turn to false substitutes that satan whispers will fill that need or void.

Also, we may feel that others will judge us or think less of us because we aren't "perfect." I know this is something I struggle with. I know I often equate struggling with weakness and inadequacy - but we all have weaknesses and are inadequate in some way or the other. This is for a reason and purpose - so that we turn to our Savior who said He would make weak things become strong and that His grace is sufficient.

The last thing I think is a factor is our lack of connection with others and our understanding of how to share appropriately to build deeper relationships. The internet and social media have created an interesting environment where it can be easy to be fake and project a persona rather than who we are but it also sometimes fosters the feeling that we can share anything and everything with anyone and everyone. Both of these are unhealthy and damaging as we try and create true and fulfilling relationships of any kind. If I don't honestly seek and inquire about someone and realize there is a process of sharing and that it must start at a superficial level and through repeated experiences move to more personal or intimate than it will be difficult to have an environment where someone would share with me or I would feel comfortable sharing with them.

So what can I do? What can YOU do? How can we develop in our wards, RS, homes, interactions - a safe place where we are real and honest and seek to provide space where others feel they can be as well?

For me the biggest thing I can do is focus on being real, honest, and seeking to truly know others. What are your thoughts?

Sometimes I feel like if I write a blogpost it should be about one thing - one subject or happening that I found so compelling I just HAD to write about it. But I realize my life and myself don't work that way - I "collect" interesting thoughts, subjects, happenings, etc. until I have this conglomeration of awesome things and THEN I feel compelled to write about them all. So here's my bric-a-brac!

It has been awhile but the last couple of weeks I got to interpret a couple of dreams. You may not know that I have this hobby - yes a hobby of interpreting dreams. I get mixed reactions when I say I do this. If you want to know a little more about how I do it, and why I do it you can read my other blog - http://dreamexegesis.blogspot.com/2011/05/meaning-in-dreams_27.html. Dreams are fascinating to me and I think there is a lot that can be learned through interpreting dreams so I was thrilled to have the opportunity to do some analysis. It also is great when the person you are interpreting for is open and willing to analyze and share. I think one reason I love it so much is I find people in general to be very fascinating and dream interpretation or analysis gives insight into people - how they think, what is important to them, what stresses them out, how they process information, etc. One of these days I will put up one of my dreams with an interpretation as other people's dreams are personal and I would never share them in a public sphere. But if you ever want a dream interpreted let me know! :P

Last night I went to see Life of Pi. I've been wanting to see this movie for some time as back during my undergrad I read, studied and even wrote a research paper the I presented at an undergraduate conference on the book. It will always be one of my all time favorite books. Because of this I was nervous about how well they would be able to handle the nuances of the book in a movie and to be honest while I really wanted to read it I was skeptical. But a friend wanted to see it and had read the book and I had two free movie tickets so we ventured out to see it. We were both pleasantly surprised and felt they did a pretty good job in the movie of capturing the book and the important things. The movie is over 2 hours long but it zipped by for me and I felt engaged the whole time. So I recommend reading the book THEN seeing the movie. And even better, I recommend reading the book, discussing the book then seeing the movie. It was really fun that we had both read the book and discussed for several minutes afterwards about one of the main questions the book posits to you as a reader. I won't give anything away but I'm always up for discussing the book or movie should anyone feel so inclined.

I've also finished the book I mentioned in my previous post - The Anatomy of Peace, which I cannot recommend highly enough. It is a life changer. I also love when you have "ah-ha" moments. When something finally comes into clarity and you feel like you finally see and understand something important. In the last several weeks that has happened for me. For me one of the keys of life has been reaching the point where I understand and recognize my own little personal quirks and recognize them as the valuable parts of me that they are. And in addition, accepting people for where they are at. These two things combined really bring a lot of inner quietness and peace in combination with the knowledge the gospel gives us and the peace we can feel through living it.

Isn't life wonderful?!?

I LOVE the Christmas Season and everything it encompasses - focusing on the Savior, giving gifts, the lights, the music, the feeling! It just makes me so happy and also I love a good excuse to get together with people and to give gifts.

This Christmas season has been a little different for me this year - for a number of reasons. With going to Hawaii in November my regular "schedule" for Christmas got thrown off. I usually have my gifts planned out and purchased by about the first of December. That didnt' even come close to happening this year but the great thing has been that I've actually been less stressed out this year because though I love Christmas I usually get too stressed trying to do too much and worrying to much about things. Not having everything planned out actually made it so I could just go with things and enjoy time and people. And honestly when you focus on others the season becomes that much more enjoyable and meaningful for you.

The last month and a half or so have also been a time of some serious introspection. I've thought alot on contentment vs complacency. I don't think I do very well with being content as too often I equate it with being complacent. So I've thought, studied and prayed to understand the difference because too often not being content makes it more difficult to be grateful. I've asked myself repeatedly - how do I be content with what I have, yet continue to strive to improve myself? Is contentment only a matter of physical or material items and we should never be content about ourselves, personality or attributes? All of my introspection has led me to conclude there is no simple and easy answer to that question. But the best part of all the thought I've been into this is that through the process I somehow have gained more peace with myself. I feel like I've come closer to the balance of not beating myself up when I fail or because I have weaknesses but simply trying each day to be better and to really rely on the Atonement, which means I will USE it frequently.

I've also been reading a super interesting book. I've a very structured, fix-it, let's get this done type of personality and attitude. But I also love people - I think this is best illustrated in the fact I'm a Blue/Red personality, which is great but often frustrating because the main desire for each of those is often in conflict. Blue desires closeness and intimacy and Red desires power and control - those don't go so well with each other. Anyway, my personality leads to me often seeing people as objects instead of people - I have a goal, I want to accomplish that goal and people are simply objects or part of the outside stuff I have to work around to reach my goal. So I've been reading this book called The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict. Now first let me say, I'm not a huge fan or advocate of "self-help" books but I've read The Bonds That Make Us Free, written by the same institute and it was fabulous and life changing and it appears The Anatomy of Peace has the same potential. The focus is on seeing people as people and not as objects and discusses what happens when we see other people as objects and how it affects us.

Lastly, I've really evaluated and decided I needed to refocus my life and having the Savior as my first priority above all else. Sometimes it is too easy to get caught up and focusing on other things that may be of some importance but would be better served if my first focus was on the Savior and then allow everything else to fall into place. The most amazing thing about doing that is that your circumstances don't change, the things that were hard are often still hard but somehow there is a layer of peace that helps you to know that everything will be ok and all things will work out for the best.

So here's to a wonderful and joyous holiday season and an amazing new year to come. May it be filled with learning, fun, laughter, joy, people, and most of all a closer relationship with the Savior. Merry Christmas to all of YOU!

A few months ago, I was discussing traveling with a friend. Both of us were like, "It would be great to visit Hawaii." Then we were like, "Well then why don't we plan and go since we both want to." The plans just took off from there, and last week we spent 7 days on the island of Oahu in Hawaii. It was kind of amazing how it all came together and we were both able to make it work despite a few bumps along the road and in the planning. So here is a rundwon of our adventures!

Day 1 - We actually decided to fly out of Vegas because it was much cheaper for both of us. So we headed out on Saturday afternoon to drive to St. George to stay overnight before driving to Vegas the next morning to catch our flight. The weather was a little iffy and we encountered a couple of snowstorms but nothing to bad. We did however see TWO semis jackknifed with one of them torn in half on the other side of the road....made us a little nervous.

Day 2 - Up EARLY, well not TOO early for the two of us since we often get up at 4:30 to go to the gym. We made it easily to Vegas, parked the car, got a ride to the airport and waited for our flight. The flight was super smooth, though who likes sitting for 6 hours after having just driven 2? If you are on your way to Hawaii though I guess you like it a little :P We arrived, caught a shuttle to the rental car place, had a duel with the car rental agent (they really try to scare you into getting their insurance), and then the fun began! We had decided beforehand that I would be the driver and Mindy would be the navigator. We got a baptism by fire as soon as we got in the car. Driving anywhere new, especially in a place where there is ALOT of traffic is like putting on a blindfold and wandering around a firing range. You are taking your life into your hands.

We had decided we were hungry as we hadn't had lunch, so after driving and trying to find a Subway, we found one that was closed at 2pm on a Sunday and one we couldn't even find. Finally we just decided to drive to the condo. With a few minor difficulties we made it. Our condo was great - spacious enough for the 2 of us and it included a kitchen!





But after some discussion we decided that wouldn't be great on gas mileage so we went with a smaller, more fuel efficient car.Then we hiked up to the Makapu'u Lighthouse, which was a great hike with a spectacular view at the end. It is a little strange hiking at sea level though - you feel exertion and your muscles tell you that you've worked them but you don't get out of breath - kind of a strange feeling! But it was WINDY - we got to the top and were trying to take pictures but it was hard to hold the camera steady enough to do so. Some of my favorite pictures are from this hike though!

Hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally without having to go outdoors. ~ Norman Cousins
Laughing really is great. And being with people that make you laugh and you can laugh with makes such a difference. Somehow it just makes everything brighter, even when nothing in your life has changed. So lets discuss laughter for a moment -

If for no other reason, we should laugh because it releases endorphins and as Elle Woods said - Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't shoot their husbands. They just don't!"

Laughing also reduces the risk for heart disease. Who knew one of the best things emotionally AND physically for your heart is to laugh.

I've always loved laughing - it is one of the reasons I read the comics whenever I get a chance. But there is an added element to laughing when you are with other people and you are all laughing together.

Life hasn't felt very kind the last few years, and definitely the last few months. It has been trial after trial that just didn't seem to let up and that can be discouraging. And when you are discouraged it is hard to laugh and find joy in the little moments of life. But I am really beginning to appreciate how the hard times make you so grateful for those moments or hours of joy and laughter.

Yesterday afternoon I got to visit a couple of new friends from my ward - we sat and visited and literally laughed for hours. And let me tell you - there is something about being with and around people that can just let go and really laugh. The deep gut laugh when something really is funny to you and you aren't afraid to just let go. I cannot tell you what a difference those hours of laughter made for my day and for my general outlook on life - if there is ever a time you wear rose colored glasses it is after a day of laughter for sure. And the great thing is - I now have a bunch of funny statements, discussions and stories as memories to bring me laughter and joy when I think about them at a later date.

How can you beat that?

And it made me so grateful for wonderful people who are open and friendly and you just instantly feel at ease with them. I have a bit of a sarcastic/joking side that often doesn't emerge for some time when I don't know someone. So it always makes me really happy when you meet people that you almost instantly feel at ease with - you exude a happiness for life and acceptance of others that you just help being yourself immediately. Makes me want to be that type of person.

So if you haven't laughed today - make sure to do it. And if you can - laugh with someone else! It makes any day brighter!!

Once upon a time I wrote a book. Yes, an entire book about something I felt strongly about and thought was important to others.

Ok, this really isn't a "once upon a time" type of story, for it isn't fiction at all :) Probably aboutt 5 years ago I had a concept that I wanted to write a book about. And while my English emphasis is in creative writing, this book wasn't going to be fiction. I took some time and wrote a little bit, but just couldn't get too into it, so the draft sat for probably about a year. Then one day I had this really strong urge to work on and finish the book. From that point it was probably only 3 weeks until I had a complete first draft. I do have to say I'm pretty sure it wasn't just me working on the book - I had some inspirational help :)

From there I went through the process of revision and editing to a couple of months later I have a draft ready for submission. I submitted it to all the big publishers that I felt sold to the audience I was trying to reach. No one wanted to publish it - sadly they never tell you exactly why other than they don't think it will make them enough money :P However, I do feel strongly that the topic I chose has been a bit controversial and is still controversial and often times in the case of publishers I was approaching, they don't go for controversial. Especially because my book addressed feminism, yes feminism, and I often feel that is the Mormon 'F' word.

So my book has sat for over 4 years - I wasn't sure what to do with it and sometimes thought perhaps I had only written it for myself. But our society is amazing in the technological advances that happen and in the last year I found I could self publish to ebook  and perhaps reach a few people.

And I'm writing this blogpost to let it be known that shortly (hopefully by the end of this week) my book will be available for purchase on Amazon. Yes, this is self promotion but I do it only because I wrote the book feeling like it was something that needed to be said and could be helpful to others. I will post on Facebook when it is actually available but I do have to say I'm excited to finally be at this point. For a little teaser here is the book cover (this was what took me the longest to get it ready for publication - you have to design and create your own cover!). Any feedback on the book cover would of course be accepted and appreciated!

I've been thinking alot lately about choice and how much this entire life rests on choice and our ability to make choices. I've been thinking about it for a lot of different reasons. One main reason is because of a very prevailing attitude and belief in society that there are things about ourselves that are just "who we are," which gives rise to the thought or belief then that those things cannot be changed.

The biggest problem with this belief? It is SO easy to fall into! I've also been thinking alot about it because I've been thinking about the challenges all of us face in life - not the same challenges for each of us, but all of us struggle with something - that thorn in the flesh that Paul talked about in Corinthians. A struggle that you don't just overcome, that you work on, but it doesn't seem to get better. Something you often face or live with every day of your life. Sometimes it is exhausting and seems easier to just say - well it us just who I am - I can't change.

It is interesting though how insidiously this mocks and discounts one of the most important things in this life - the Atonement. When we say we cannot change, we are partially right (and oh does Satan love those little half truths) because many times on our own we cannot make the needed change. But to deny change at all, denies the power of the Atonement to give us the strength we need and the power to be able to change.

Sometimes though I think the true test is not in being able to change something completely - those thorns in the flesh but in relying on the power of the Atonement each day with the strength in your ability to make the right choice each day regardless of the struggle. Because at least for me, some struggles that I've prayed for years to be taken away or for me to be able to overcome, those specific things have not happened. So now I pray for the strength each day in my desire to make the right choice regardless.

One of the biggest reasons we are also here on earth is because of and for choice - I always think about the saying I've heard that agency was so important that Heavenly Father lost 1/3 of His children. Choice/agency was what Satan wanted to destroy - but it is also the thing that allows us to be able to learn and grow and then through the Atonement to become like our Heavenly Father. And so everyday Satan attacks our agency and perpetuates as many falsehoods as possible about our ability to choose.

I have also been thinking about choice in regards to the blogpost I posted only for a short time the other day. Very few of you probably even saw it, because after I posted it I wasn't happy with the conclusion I had drawn. I'm going to include that post now but add to it.

*Have you ever just not liked someone? They just totally get on your nerves and you can't stand to be around them? There are very few people in this world that I don't like. In fact, in thinking about it I can't even come up with enough people to quantify a "list."

So it is a little strange when I come across someone I just really dislike. I don't think I will ever hate someone but a very strong dislike is apparently possible :P However, because it is unusual I've been thinking alot about why I don't like this person. What makes it even more strange is that I don't know this person, personally, I haven't met them officially, and the only conversations we've ever had can't really be classified as conversations since they consisted of, "Hey. How are you?" "Good, how are you?" That is really quite minimal in the conversation department :P
You may be asking then, why I don't like this person if:
A: I don't even really know them
B: I haven't really interacted with them
C: I won't be doing A anytime soon and B also won't be happening

That really is then the million dollar question. I must say in my defense I've heard enough interactions of this person and also received information from a very reliable source to have formed an opinion. Granted I know the picture I have is not complete and my opinion is biased for few different reasons, but somehow that still doesn't change for me that I really don't like this person.
The scary thing is, that most often when you don't like someone it says more about you than it does about that other person. And usually when you don't like someone there are specific reasons you don't like them - I could make a list why I don't like this person but that is not the purpose of this post :P, and usually the things that make up this list are "secretly" things you don't like about yourself. And sometimes they are things you fear are part of who you are (hence the "real" reason for not including a list :P).

Kind of a scary prospect, huh?

The other million dollar question then becomes - "What to do, what to do?"

I should pray for charity towards this person, the problem is right now I don't WANT to have charity towards them. So I suppose that means I should pray to WANT to have charity. Hmmm - or I could work through all the issues about myself that this person somehow reminds me of. Yeah I'm sure THAT is going to happen. What would life be without a few issues and I'm not talking magazines here.

For right now, I'm going to be a hater and just work on being tolerant.*

Yeah I decided I totally wasn't happy with that conclusion :P I mean seriously, what kind of attitude was that? I would love to say that I didn't really come to that conclusion and decide on it, if even for a few hours, but that isn't the case. So I realized I do need to pray for charity but then I need to make the choice to do something different. The great thing about choice is what we can make things happen - we can be agents unto ourselves to act and not be acted on.

It was a good exercise though in thinking about choice and the choice I have to not necessarily decide what happens to me and sometimes the feelings that come but I get to decide how I respond.

And I choose a different response.