Ponderous Simplicity

Ladies this post is for you. Let's have a little bit of discussion. I'm going to ask some hard questions. I hope you will take some time to think about them and answer them for yourself. I think it is wonderful to be a woman. We have so much potential to do good and change the world. We can connect, uplift and support each other as well as those around us. But some times I think we get pulled away by things that keep us from accomplishing all that we truly can. I know life can be confusing and it can be confusing to be a woman - so many competing voices stating what it is to be a woman. We want to feel valued, heard and to know we are contributing. These things do matter as do each of you that read this. And I know you may be looking for answers.

So I'm going to be blunt.

Let's first talk equality - especially within The LDS Church. The word equality is very appealing. In some ways it is the catch-word of our society right now. It gets thrown around alot.  But too often the word equality becomes a distraction - we get caught up in saying equality that we don't stop to think about what it really means and what we want it to mean.

"Equality" can be very alluring. So what does it even mean? Too often when the term "equality" is used, especially within The Church it means that women should be able to do and be everything a man is. Can we not see the fallacy in this? We stomp our feet and rage at the patriarchal hierarchy but then demand to become part of that hierarchy? Equality is not and cannot be sameness. That isn't true equality. But that is what we too often are arguing for. That to be equal we must be and do as a man is and does.

But we are not men. We are women. We are unique. We are different from men. Not better or worse, just different. Let us celebrate the differences, embrace them and not consider them as making us less. We can accomplish so much as women with the strengths and characteristics that make us women. Those aren't exactly the same for any of us, but the roles we have within The Church do not stop us from making a difference.

We all want to feel valued, wanted and that we contribute. I know that feeling. I have that feeling regularly. So lets talk about what that can mean within The Church.

Women and the priesthood. This has become quite a point of difficulty and even contention for many women (I'm not saying it isn't for men as well, but I'm focusing on talking to women in this post :). It can be hard to understand why women aren't given the priesthood as men are. But a question to ask yourself - why do you want to hold the priesthood? I don't know your answer but I want to share some thoughts on possible responses I see.

"I want to have the priesthood because men have the priesthood."
What good does wanting something just for the sake of having it really do for us? Often when we want something just for the sake of having it, without thought for why we want it and/or what we will do with it, then there is always something to want. It is difficult to ever be satisfied.

"I want to have the priesthood because I feel lesser without it."
We might be a little amused if someone said to us, "God doesn't love me as much because He gave so and so this talent or blessing, or ability but I don't have it." We don't expect to have exactly the same make up as someone else because we are different people. And that is alright. Neither of us is better than another because of those differences. It simply is a part of life and this growing experience to have differences. Having the priesthood wouldn't suddenly change how we felt about ourselves, our roles or our responsibilities. When we feel that we are lesser or lacking because we don't have something someone else has, there is always something someone else has that we don't so typically, the feelings don't go away, they shift to something else.

"I want to be able to bless people's lives by having the priesthood."
There isn't anything magical that we could suddenly do by having the priesthood that we can't do now. We could give blessings by the laying on of hands, but we have just as much ability to call on the powers of heaven through faithful prayer, RIGHT NOW. We can minister to others, RIGHT NOW. We can serve in and magnify our callings, RIGHT NOW. Who in your neighborhood or ward could you reach out to, RIGHT NOW?

"I want the priesthood so I can serve in any capacity, i.e Bishop, Stake President, Prophet." I've heard many women say they want to be able to visit and confess to a women - that it would be easier and should be an option. I can understand that. Most of the time when talking about really personal things I prefer talking to other women. However, hard things aren't easy to talk about to anyone - male or female when we don't have a close relationship with them. And yes, there are Bishops and Stake Presidents who don't act as they should. But that wouldn't change if some of them were women. We are not perfect - neither are Bishops or Stake Presidents. Does it make our life harder and some times scar us and cause difficulties? Yes. But having a woman as a Bishop or Stake President wouldn't magically fix that. Women don't always listen. Women let their own issues and personal feelings influence their responses.

 The organization of The Church is as it is for a reason - we are all learning and growing together and some times someone else's poor choices or wrong choices effect us. Talk to the people from the city of Ammonihah in the Book of Mormon that were burned because they believed in the preaching of Alma and Amulek. Amulek wanted to stretch forth his hand and stop them because they didn't deserve it. But the Lord forbid it - agency allows that some times we are adversely effected by other's choices. So what we can do is focus on doing the best we can, repenting of our mistakes and yes striving to build a relationship with our Bishops and Stake Presidents.

And we can support each other now without being Bishops or Stake Presidents. We can listen, offer empathy and compassion, not judge each other, and seek for opportunities to serve. We can do all of this NOW.

The other thing I wanted to discuss is marriage and/or motherhood. There are those of use who are single who wish to be married and have families and we wonder why it isn't happening for us. There are those of us who are married but can't have children or don't have children yet and we wonder why. There are those of us married with children that wonder if this is all there is supposed to be to life - cleaning, laundry, cooking, running children around, etc.

So we all spend time and energy thinking about what we don't have or thinking that life would be more fulfilling "IF" only something else. So we don't enjoy the now. We don't look for the good, the opportunities for growth, those small moments of joy. We can all feel unfulfilled no matter our current situation in life. I talked to a friend recently and asked about her day. She jokingly said her days were made up of picking up the same books her daughter would pull onto the floor about 12 times a day. Definitely not very exciting or fulfilling. But I thought how right now in my situation I would love to have kids to need to do that. But as the saying goes, the grass is always greener elsewhere. I know I suffer from that syndrome at times and whine about why things aren't as I want them to be. But we can focus on what we don't have or focus on all the good I can do right now in my own circle of influence. And we all have circles of influence and yes our actions do matter therein.


Sisters, we have so many opportunities for good right now. Our energy can be put to such good use in learning, growing, serving and building the Lord's kingdom right now in our current roles and capacities. Let us put our energy and focus into how we can serve those in our neighborhoods and wards. How we can magnify our callings. How we can teach our children to respect and love others, to understand repentance and to love the Lord. Our roles as women, mothers, daughters, sisters, etc. do not make us less. Are they different than men? Yes but that is ok! Let us do all that lies in our power now to bless the lives of others and continue to learn and grow and we will be fulfilled and find joy!

This quote from President Uchtdorf was the perfect quote to read this morning - "Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God's love encompasses us completely. What this means is regardless of our current state, there is hope for us. No matter our distress, no matter our sorrow, no matter our mistakes, our infinitely compassionate Heavenly Father desires that we draw near to Him so that He can draw near to us."

I've been thinking alot lately about God's love and mercy. I think it is something that is hard for us to really comprehend or understand. Part of the reason I think we experience sin and trials is because they can be key parts in helping us gain a better understanding of God's love and mercy. 


When I think of mercy I think of the hymn, "I Stand All Amazed." "I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me. Confused at the grace that so fully He proffers me." I think of that hymn because as I've lately realized - we don't ever DESERVE mercy. We deserve justice - when we sin, we break law(s) and justice demands payment for that. But the Savior steps in for us if we repent - so though we don't deserve it, the Savior offers it. He will and has satisfied the demands of justice, so when we sin, if we turn to Him, He willingly offers us mercy. One of the main gifts of the Atonement is mercy. That is why mercy is amazing - we can receive it without ever really deserving it. And we will all need mercy at some time in our lives, if not multiple times. 


And mercy has the power to change us - not only to help us make the decision not to make the same mistakes but also to help us want to be more merciful to others. I look on others and their mistakes with compassion, knowing I've received such without deserving it. I understand what it is to struggle with something. To repeatedly approach the throne of mercy, asking again for forgiveness. Mercy makes me feel grateful and undeserving. Part of me knows when I make a mistake that it is mine. I should have to suffer the full and complete consequences for it. But the Lord does not condemn us for making mistakes - He knew we would and He knows our own personal struggles and difficulties that lead to those mistakes. He knows us perfectly and loves us perfectly. He cannot condone those mistakes but if we will repent, that is the one condition for mercy - to not have to suffer completely for our own mistakes. He offers us mercy and we only are condemned if we don't repent.  

And through that mercy we can better understand God's love for us. Often for us as humans, our love can be changed or is conditional on others' actions. We start and stop loving people as we go throughout or lives. Some times it is because of our actions, other times because of theirs. We often love based on conditions or needs. Pure love is DIFFICULT! 

But Heavenly Father and the Savior love us regardless of our actions and behaviors. They love us when we mess up. They love us when we mess up BADLY. They love us when we make choices that hurt others or hurt ourself or both. They love us when we don't love ourself or love others. They love us when we are happy. They love us when we are sad or in the depths of pain and discouragement. Their love does not change no matter what we do. 

That is pretty amazing.  

Words have become even more powerful today simply because their ability to travel and span the continent is almost unimpeded. In the 19th Century there was much fear over the lower classes being literate in large part because the upper class feared the power of words. Many ideas over the centuries have begun their germination in reading some material or in listening to a powerful orator.

And now, what I say, or you say can travel the globe, reaching hundreds or thousands of people, whom we don't even know but who may hear our words.

I've been thinking a lot about this in light of the recent media uproar about John Dehlin's excommunication from The Church of Jesus Christ of Later-day Saints. Not only did Mr Dehlin increase the media coverage by making public his letter of excommunication, social media was covered with various thoughts, opinions and rantings on what had occurred. One thread I read, someone kept insisted over and over that The Church required all of its members to "color in the lines" or get out. There was also much disputing again over The Church "kicking people out for asking questions or stating what they think."

When Kate Kelly was excommunicated last year, I wrote a post about questioning that can be found here - Its Not About Questioning - The Excommunication Uproar. So I'm not going to re-address that issue. It is important to understand that what Kate Kelly and yes, John Dehlin were doing was not just questioning. And important part of our journey in life is to ask questions, and yes The Church encourages those questions and for us to learn for ourselves. But I don't want to rehash this whole issue again. There is another matter - the issue of why what we say matters.

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we have a responsibility with our words and what we say and share. As Alma 31:5 states: "And now, as the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just - yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which had happened to them - therefore, Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God."

While in the previous chapter of Alma we read of Korihor, and verse 18 tells us: "And thus he did preach unto them, leading away the hearts of many, causing them to lift up their heads in their wickedness..."

What we say can affect others - especially the more persistent we are in what we say - for good or ill. As members of The Church the ultimate question we should ask ourselves is:

Does what I'm sharing, saying, stating encourage people to come unto Christ?

Now perhaps it would be argued that Kate Kelly or John Dehlin were not encouraging people away from Christ. We could probably debate that issue for some time. But I venture to say where we have to be careful and aware in what we are sharing is who is the spotlight on in what we are sharing or stating? Is it to direct others to the Savior or does it shine the spotlight on us.

If we set ourselves up as the light, we are not helping people come unto Christ who is The Light. If I begin to say I know what is right and wrong and how things are to be and then try and convince others of this, chances are my motives are not to help others come unto Christ.

There is much power in the words we share. So what are you you sharing and why?

This is what it all comes down to - when life is hard, when I can't understand something, when I think THIS way has got to be the better way I have to ask myself -

Do I trust God or not?

Sometimes I get so frustrated by life or feel bogged down by how things are. I really feel President Hinckley best summed up what life is like:

“Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride”

When there are delays, sidetracks, smoke, etc. do I have enough faith to trust God, that those things are a necessary part of life?  And while the difficulties may be the larger part of the journey, the beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed will make a large part of the difficulties worth it. And for those it doesn't, can I trust Him that at the end of this mortal journey, when I can see the big picture I will be able to easily say, "Yes it was all worth it."


I've also been thinking alot about trusting God when there are things in the gospel vs the world or human nature that I don't understand or cannot explain. I don't understand why exactly the priesthood was restricted from black men. I don't know why some people love those of their same gender. I don't understand why exactly plural marriage was commanded in the early days of the Church and why exactly Joseph Smith Jr married some of the women he did.

The thing is, there will always be things to cause us to question. We will never understand everything especially things in history since we are applying our knowledge and understanding of now. We also are finite beings that cannot comprehend all of the things of God at this time.

Will all things be revealed at some point?  Yes

Will it all be clear? Yes

Do we have to live by faith now? Yes

And this is where it matters in asking yourself - Do I trust God or not?

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I believe strongly that marriage is and should be between a man and a woman. Recently the Supreme Court decided not to hear arguments on the validity of same-sex marriages performed in Utah, which means as of right now, according to the government they are legal.

First, I want to state that different views and beliefs do not constitute bigotry, hatred or unkindness toward anyone. Read my blogpost "Bigoted? Prejudiced? Hateful? My Take On Gay Marriage" for a more in depth discussion about how disagreement should and can work. I strive to love all people regardless of any factors or things that are different from me. I can disagree and still show kindness and love.

Today I wanted to explain WHY I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman only and my understanding of the doctrines of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It isn't because I'm narrow minded, think homosexuality is a disease, that same-sex couples will raise deviant children, want to deny people their "rights" or any of the other things proponents of "traditional" marriage have been accused of believing.

There is a two-fold purpose for why we are here on Earth - to gain a physical body, which provides a unique learning experience and environment that couldn't be obtained in a spiritual form only. This life is then for us to learn and grow in our physical body and to see what choices we will make during this time. We believe we lived before this life - in heaven with our Heavenly Parents and the whole human family. They are the "parents" of our spirits. However, we do not have recollection of this for the purpose of this time on Earth being a test: who will we choose to become and what choices will
we make when faced with challenges and difficulties.

The other purpose is to form families - the family unit is a core foundational unit of the entire gospel and the church's doctrine. This purpose is where the majority of the weight falls for my defense of marriage being between a man and a woman. One of the main purposes of LDS temples is to seal a husband and wife together for this life but also beyond. We believe families are eternal and what makes up eternity is our continued growth and progression beyond this life. We believe we can become like God is and will some day be gods and goddess with eternal posterity like God has now with us.

So marriage isn't just about today or now or even this life. It is about what eternity means and what we believe Heavenly Father wants for us in the eternities - to have eternal families with eternal posterity. Same-sex marriage completely undermines the entire foundation of the doctrine of eternal families. It is IMPOSSIBLE for two men or two women to have children biologically. That is an indisputable fact. In this life of course many heterosexual couples are unable to have children, but we believe that after this life our bodies will be perfected so that will no longer be an issue.

Now you may disagree with that foundation to begin with, but understanding the WHY of our defense of marriage being between a man and woman goes to the very core of our beliefs and is a much larger and complex issue and has nothing to do with denying rights or being bigoted or prejudiced.

Some may ask then, why God would allow people to have these feelings if they could never act on them without being condemned in the eternities?

That is a great question and I think no one can answer that completely. But there are some things I do know.

Every single one of us face challenges - things that tear at our very core and that feel like a weight greater than we can bear. Why do bad things happen to people in this life? Why would we be faced with feelings and emotions we were never supposed to act on?

Its a thing we call agency - or choice - we are here in this life to make choices. All of which will shape who we will become. Despite what society seems to encourage today, self-control and/or self-denial is not a bad thing and true happiness is not just about what we perceive that to be right now in mortality. Personal growth comes from making choices that are difficult for us. If we are to become like God, we need ALOT of growth of shaping. Heavenly Father wants to see if we will choose Him even when it is EXTREMELY hard.

One thing I do know beyond a doubt though is that Jesus Christ is my and your personal Savior. The Atonement is infinite - it has the power to strengthen us, change us, support us beyond what we can even comprehend. THIS is how you make it through choices and feelings that seem impossibly hard.

I also know beyond a doubt that Heavenly Father loves us and that He knows what true happiness is. Heavenly Father doesn't want us to be unhappy or face heartache beyond what is necessary for our growth and learning. And my understanding of eternity means that I stand firm and strong in defense of marriage between a man and woman.

I don't believe in coincidence....at all...not one little bit.

I believe in a Heavenly Father that loves and knows us. He doesn't micro-manage us and the sometimes seemingly "small" aspects of our lives.

But because I know all things are present to the Lord, I believe the very threads that make up each of our lives, don't happen by chance and you don't just HAPPEN to end up with a picture at the end.

I love thinking of Heavenly Father as the Master Weaver - putting into place all the threads we need to become the very best we can become. To be changed into something even more divine. We came to this earth with divinity in each of us as we are spirit children of our Heavenly Father, but to become perfected required a mortal body and this mortal experience.

He knows each of us intimately and knows EXACTLY the things we need to become the best we can - both the happy moments but the sad and heartbreaking.


This is one of my all time favorite songs that illustrates this perfectly.



And it is amazing when you are able to see a thread placed so masterfully in your life that you couldn't see it until afterwards but then suddenly it was SO clear.

Earlier this week I had an experience that showed this so clearly to me. I had made a decision to proceed a certain direction in an interaction with someone. I had decided I was going to state that I was going to go the direction I usually had previously in similar type of interactions. But then some things happened in a certain way that changed that interaction I had all planned out in my mind. The outside circumstances and situations, exactly as they happened, influenced and changed this other interaction.

Perhaps by chance? I don't believe in coincidence.

Because then today I had realized the entire interaction with this person hadn't been "typical" in a number of ways. The funny thing is I had been slightly annoyed by it NOT working as I would have wanted or expected. BUT that had been for the better. Things are working out differently in such a way that I think something that hadn't been possible before or allowed to develop because of circumstances might now happen.

Sometimes it blows my finite mind, since we cannot see the entire picture right now, even if we think we can, how the Lord is intricately placing the threads in our lives that will create a masterpiece of us all.

Of course we can reject the threads - I don't believe in fatalism - in fact we all do at one time or another. Yet because the Lord is omniscient, when we do reject them, its not like, "Oh crap NOW the picture is totally going to be messed up!!"

He knows 

He knows what is best. He knows us. He knows what we can become.

There is no such thing as coincidence because the Lord knows all and He loves us all, more than we can comprehend. My life matters to Him. His entire work and glory is to bring to pass my immortality and eternal life. And yours and the person down the street and my neighbor and the people I don't know living halfway across the world. All of them.

He is the Master Weaver.

As human beings we like what we know - regardless of whether it is actually good for us - if it has become comfortable we tend to become very unwilling to let it go or to change. We LOVE convenience and work very hard to only keep things in our lives that are convenient.


While perhaps a slightly extreme example the following illustrates my point very clearly. I worked for over 3 years with victims of domestic violence. I talked, interacted and learned from more people than I could count. One common statement/question victims would hear and I would hear when explaining I worked with domestic violence was, "Why don't they just leave?" Now there isn't one answer that is the entire reason but for many victims I talked to, often an underlying reason they didn't leave is because it was what they had come to know. In a sense it was what they were "comfortable" with. And it seemed SO much easier in many ways to just stay then to try and leave.

All of us live this way in some area(s) or aspects of our life. Too often it becomes the only way we live. We deal with change when it is forced on us, but for anything else, we fight tooth and nail to keep our "comfortableness." We want convenience!

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, one of the things I think about very often is how I can become more like the Savior. While our belief is that this life is to come here to earth to experience mortality, we came to experience mortality to learn and be changed to become like the Savior. So I ponder frequently about where I am at, where I want to be, what the Lord is trying to teach me each day, and how my experiences, with the help of the Atonement can change me to be more like Him.

The Savior did NOT live conveniently. He lived and loved when it was hard and when He had every reason not to. He gave His time when He could have chosen to do other things. He loved people completely and fully, not just those that society said were "acceptable" to love. The scriptures teach us that He grew grace by grace, which means He would have faced times and things that were not comfortable to Him. But he didn't shy away. He embraced the inconvenience and uncomfortableness.

Most interesting to me is how this seems to be a much bigger struggle for members of the church than those who are not, though it is an area we probably all could be better at. Too often we may fall into the trap of thinking because we are members of the church, have participated in certain ordinances, that we now just have to "get by," coasting along until the end. But becoming Christ-like is a lifelong and something we must ACTIVELY engage. And it will not be easy.

Here are some good questions to ask yourself to see where you are at:

Do you let people into your life only up to the point that is convenient for you?

Do you embrace things that are uncomfortable - coming to an understanding for yourself of why it is uncomfortable and being willing to stick with it, knowing uncomfortable doesn't mean bad?

Are you willing to create space for people in your life - embracing fully the challenges, growth and learning that can come from differences?

Are you willing and do you seek to learn from others?

In life are you going through the motions, or are you engaged deeply, accepting that life will hurt sometimes, and that different is often hard for at least a time?

How important is it to you, that things be the way you want them to be, and you leave, run away, turn your back on things, when they aren't exactly that way?

Do you MAKE time for things and people, not just take time?

Are you afraid of people that ask you hard questions?

Do you actively seek change?

An analogy often used in church is that of a tree - that when it faces winds frequently, the roots go deeper and it becomes more fully rooted in its spot, while also being more flexible to bend. This is a great analogy but I think misses an important aspect of becoming. Becoming requires seeking - we can't just wait for and deal with the winds when they come. We are actively engaged meaning sometimes it is as if we are seeking out the winds. If the Savior had just waited around, I'm sure alot of things would have just come to Him. But He went out seeking and always striving to know and do the Father's will.

We become as we are challenged and not just by the challenges we choose or are forced on us, but the challenges we don't run away from because we can. We strive to live inconveniently.