Ladies this post is for you. Let's have a little bit of discussion. I'm going to ask some hard questions. I hope you will take some time to think about them and answer them for yourself. I think it is wonderful to be a woman. We have so much potential to do good and change the world. We can connect, uplift and support each other as well as those around us. But some times I think we get pulled away by things that keep us from accomplishing all that we truly can. I know life can be confusing and it can be confusing to be a woman - so many competing voices stating what it is to be a woman. We want to feel valued, heard and to know we are contributing. These things do matter as do each of you that read this. And I know you may be looking for answers.
So I'm going to be blunt.
Let's first talk equality - especially within The LDS Church. The word equality is very appealing. In some ways it is the catch-word of our society right now. It gets thrown around alot. But too often the word equality becomes a distraction - we get caught up in saying equality that we don't stop to think about what it really means and what we want it to mean.
"Equality" can be very alluring. So what does it even mean? Too often when the term "equality" is used, especially within The Church it means that women should be able to do and be everything a man is. Can we not see the fallacy in this? We stomp our feet and rage at the patriarchal hierarchy but then demand to become part of that hierarchy? Equality is not and cannot be sameness. That isn't true equality. But that is what we too often are arguing for. That to be equal we must be and do as a man is and does.
But we are not men. We are women. We are unique. We are different from men. Not better or worse, just different. Let us celebrate the differences, embrace them and not consider them as making us less. We can accomplish so much as women with the strengths and characteristics that make us women. Those aren't exactly the same for any of us, but the roles we have within The Church do not stop us from making a difference.
We all want to feel valued, wanted and that we contribute. I know that feeling. I have that feeling regularly. So lets talk about what that can mean within The Church.
Women and the priesthood. This has become quite a point of difficulty and even contention for many women (I'm not saying it isn't for men as well, but I'm focusing on talking to women in this post :). It can be hard to understand why women aren't given the priesthood as men are. But a question to ask yourself - why do you want to hold the priesthood? I don't know your answer but I want to share some thoughts on possible responses I see.
"I want to have the priesthood because men have the priesthood."
What good does wanting something just for the sake of having it really do for us? Often when we want something just for the sake of having it, without thought for why we want it and/or what we will do with it, then there is always something to want. It is difficult to ever be satisfied.
"I want to have the priesthood because I feel lesser without it."
We might be a little amused if someone said to us, "God doesn't love me as much because He gave so and so this talent or blessing, or ability but I don't have it." We don't expect to have exactly the same make up as someone else because we are different people. And that is alright. Neither of us is better than another because of those differences. It simply is a part of life and this growing experience to have differences. Having the priesthood wouldn't suddenly change how we felt about ourselves, our roles or our responsibilities. When we feel that we are lesser or lacking because we don't have something someone else has, there is always something someone else has that we don't so typically, the feelings don't go away, they shift to something else.
"I want to be able to bless people's lives by having the priesthood."
There isn't anything magical that we could suddenly do by having the priesthood that we can't do now. We could give blessings by the laying on of hands, but we have just as much ability to call on the powers of heaven through faithful prayer, RIGHT NOW. We can minister to others, RIGHT NOW. We can serve in and magnify our callings, RIGHT NOW. Who in your neighborhood or ward could you reach out to, RIGHT NOW?
"I want the priesthood so I can serve in any capacity, i.e Bishop, Stake President, Prophet." I've heard many women say they want to be able to visit and confess to a women - that it would be easier and should be an option. I can understand that. Most of the time when talking about really personal things I prefer talking to other women. However, hard things aren't easy to talk about to anyone - male or female when we don't have a close relationship with them. And yes, there are Bishops and Stake Presidents who don't act as they should. But that wouldn't change if some of them were women. We are not perfect - neither are Bishops or Stake Presidents. Does it make our life harder and some times scar us and cause difficulties? Yes. But having a woman as a Bishop or Stake President wouldn't magically fix that. Women don't always listen. Women let their own issues and personal feelings influence their responses.
The organization of The Church is as it is for a reason - we are all learning and growing together and some times someone else's poor choices or wrong choices effect us. Talk to the people from the city of Ammonihah in the Book of Mormon that were burned because they believed in the preaching of Alma and Amulek. Amulek wanted to stretch forth his hand and stop them because they didn't deserve it. But the Lord forbid it - agency allows that some times we are adversely effected by other's choices. So what we can do is focus on doing the best we can, repenting of our mistakes and yes striving to build a relationship with our Bishops and Stake Presidents.
And we can support each other now without being Bishops or Stake Presidents. We can listen, offer empathy and compassion, not judge each other, and seek for opportunities to serve. We can do all of this NOW.
The other thing I wanted to discuss is marriage and/or motherhood. There are those of use who are single who wish to be married and have families and we wonder why it isn't happening for us. There are those of us who are married but can't have children or don't have children yet and we wonder why. There are those of us married with children that wonder if this is all there is supposed to be to life - cleaning, laundry, cooking, running children around, etc.
So we all spend time and energy thinking about what we don't have or thinking that life would be more fulfilling "IF" only something else. So we don't enjoy the now. We don't look for the good, the opportunities for growth, those small moments of joy. We can all feel unfulfilled no matter our current situation in life. I talked to a friend recently and asked about her day. She jokingly said her days were made up of picking up the same books her daughter would pull onto the floor about 12 times a day. Definitely not very exciting or fulfilling. But I thought how right now in my situation I would love to have kids to need to do that. But as the saying goes, the grass is always greener elsewhere. I know I suffer from that syndrome at times and whine about why things aren't as I want them to be. But we can focus on what we don't have or focus on all the good I can do right now in my own circle of influence. And we all have circles of influence and yes our actions do matter therein.
Sisters, we have so many opportunities for good right now. Our energy can be put to such good use in learning, growing, serving and building the Lord's kingdom right now in our current roles and capacities. Let us put our energy and focus into how we can serve those in our neighborhoods and wards. How we can magnify our callings. How we can teach our children to respect and love others, to understand repentance and to love the Lord. Our roles as women, mothers, daughters, sisters, etc. do not make us less. Are they different than men? Yes but that is ok! Let us do all that lies in our power now to bless the lives of others and continue to learn and grow and we will be fulfilled and find joy!
Now, I still sometimes yell at being in the middle of a choppy ocean. And I still feel angry and frustrated that it is hard, and sometimes ask why it has to be that way. But I try really hard now to notice and use the life preservers that always seem to pop up when I most need them. The Lord doesn't drive us into the middle of the ocean, toss us overboard and speed away wishing us, "Good luck!" He knows when things are hard. He doesn't want to see us suffer needlessly, but He is an all knowing god that understands the role suffering and struggling plays in our personal growth. So He allows it to happen, giving us all the things we need to make it through our swim. So when you feel like you're in the middle of the ocean, struggling to stay afloat, perhaps feeling angry that you're there - take a minute to look around at the life preservers that I know will be floating nearby.
