How Online Dating Ruined My Life

Yes I've done online dating. In fact quite a bit of it. It hasn't really ruined my life but it is like a blind date on steroids :) In the process of doing online date on and off for probably 6 years or so I've had alot of "interesting" experiences but never more than in the past 8 months or so. A number of people have told me recently to "write them down!" so here they are for your enjoyment and perhaps horror.

This is a great synopsis of what online dating is like for me....

minus the drinking....

and usually the swearing :)

*To protect the identity of all victims aliases will be used*

*And if you should read this and find yourself the subject of a story

don't be offended :D*

So all of these experiences have happened within THIS year, which is crazy :) I've had more crazy online dating stories in this year than my whole online dating experience!! So for your wincing, cringing, shuddering delight and to encourage you to try online dating (only if you are single of course) here you go! (These are only in numbered order not level of craziness or weirdness :P)

#1 - The first one I will start with is the felon - yes, he really was a felon. Now before anyone jumps on me for "stereotyping" or not giving someone a chance, just hold on while I tell the story. We had messaged and texted before meeting the first time. We met at a restaurant for dinner. The conversation was pleasant and he knew how to ask questions and also to listen and to answer questions - this always gives a guy points in my book because you would be surprised how hard this seems to be for a number of people. The date was pleasant enough that I agreed to a second date.

BUT he wanted to pick me up this time - which I'm always cautious of because then they know where I live. So I decided to just do a quick google search to see what I found. Much to my surprise the only results were his MUG SHOT!! Not quite what I expected to find. So I tried to find out what he had been arrested for but it didn't say. So I didn't jump to conclusions, I text him to ask him.

I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and to find out what had happened. But he got all defensive and angry at me and chastised me for asking. Needless to say I met up with him at another restaurant later because he wanted to explain things and then he told me he had been charged and convicted 2 times for embezzlement and the one for the mug shot was for forgery. I didn't feel good about him at this point so I thanked him and moved on.

#2 - Shortly after the Felon we have the Fetish dude. These two occurred within a week of each other. Again we had messaged and texted and then he wanted to call since he lived up north and meeting right off would have taken some coordination. I agree to talk on the phone and he called me. We had a very pleasant and interesting conversation for a good amount of time - then he said - "Do you know what I've always wanted to do?"

Thinking nothing of it I said - "What?"

He responded - "Shave a girl's legs."

Um ok...not what you expect someone to usually say. So I was like alright and then conversation seemed to move on.

Then at the end of our conversation he was trying to get me to come up to his town to get together. I firmly declined because I know no one there and am not at all familiar with the city so that is a little scary for meeting someone for the first time. So I encouraged him to come to Provo instead. To which he said -

"Ok I'll do that. And after you show the sights of Provo, we can go back to your place, cuddle in your bedroom (What?!?) AND...............................

then I will shave your legs!"

What the!! I'm not usually speechless.

Lets just say I was pretty close at that point. And the conversation didn't last much longer at that point.

Maybe he doesn't have a fetish - but it kind of seemed like it. *SHUDDER*

#3 - Then there was the time a guy asked me to be his Baby Mama - yep, you read that right. He sent me a generic, "How are you message" to which I replied.

His next message said and I quote - "Well I believe honesty is the best policy... I'm looking for someone to have a baby with, I want a family so bad! My family tree ends with me so continuing the line after me is very important r u interested?"

#4 - Then there was a guy that thankfully I only corresponded on messenger with. He began the conversation with, "Do you believe in a male dominated household" To which I replied - "I think the Proclamation to the World says it best that a husband and wife should be partners." He responded, "Well the wife can express her opinion but the husband makes all the decisions." I said, "Well I feel like it should be a partnership." And he said, "Not if you are a member of the Church! You need to go read your scriptures because the husband is supposed to make all the decisions."

Thankfully he ended the conversation there - I wasn't being enough of a rug for him :P

#5 - Last but not least happened recently. I had been messaging and even talked to him on the phone a number of times. Both of those had gone well. When we first started corresponding he was living in NJ but already had a plan to move to UT. So after he did, he wanted to get together and wanted me to give him a tour of SLC :) I figured it was a date

But I was wrong

We got to the Red Butte Gardens in SLC and he stepped up to the counter and to the ladies enquiry whether he was paying double or single he said, holding up one finger," Single....yeah single."

LOLOLOL

Then for the next 5 hours he talked

And talked

and then talked some more. And not light stuff - doctrinal stuff, and stuff you had to think about to absorb.

I tried to enjoy the gardens because I love things like that. But any time it appeared I was enraptured by what he was saying, he would say, "Is everything ok?"

I had a number of places to show him but after 5 hours I was so mentally exhausted, I skipped the last one and was never so happy in my life that I had driven.

Lets just say I can do awkward now much more easily and have learned better how to just be pleasant regardless of the situation. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

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