Ponderous Simplicity

Hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally without having to go outdoors. ~ Norman Cousins
Laughing really is great. And being with people that make you laugh and you can laugh with makes such a difference. Somehow it just makes everything brighter, even when nothing in your life has changed. So lets discuss laughter for a moment -

If for no other reason, we should laugh because it releases endorphins and as Elle Woods said - Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't shoot their husbands. They just don't!"

Laughing also reduces the risk for heart disease. Who knew one of the best things emotionally AND physically for your heart is to laugh.

I've always loved laughing - it is one of the reasons I read the comics whenever I get a chance. But there is an added element to laughing when you are with other people and you are all laughing together.

Life hasn't felt very kind the last few years, and definitely the last few months. It has been trial after trial that just didn't seem to let up and that can be discouraging. And when you are discouraged it is hard to laugh and find joy in the little moments of life. But I am really beginning to appreciate how the hard times make you so grateful for those moments or hours of joy and laughter.

Yesterday afternoon I got to visit a couple of new friends from my ward - we sat and visited and literally laughed for hours. And let me tell you - there is something about being with and around people that can just let go and really laugh. The deep gut laugh when something really is funny to you and you aren't afraid to just let go. I cannot tell you what a difference those hours of laughter made for my day and for my general outlook on life - if there is ever a time you wear rose colored glasses it is after a day of laughter for sure. And the great thing is - I now have a bunch of funny statements, discussions and stories as memories to bring me laughter and joy when I think about them at a later date.

How can you beat that?

And it made me so grateful for wonderful people who are open and friendly and you just instantly feel at ease with them. I have a bit of a sarcastic/joking side that often doesn't emerge for some time when I don't know someone. So it always makes me really happy when you meet people that you almost instantly feel at ease with - you exude a happiness for life and acceptance of others that you just help being yourself immediately. Makes me want to be that type of person.

So if you haven't laughed today - make sure to do it. And if you can - laugh with someone else! It makes any day brighter!!

Once upon a time I wrote a book. Yes, an entire book about something I felt strongly about and thought was important to others.

Ok, this really isn't a "once upon a time" type of story, for it isn't fiction at all :) Probably aboutt 5 years ago I had a concept that I wanted to write a book about. And while my English emphasis is in creative writing, this book wasn't going to be fiction. I took some time and wrote a little bit, but just couldn't get too into it, so the draft sat for probably about a year. Then one day I had this really strong urge to work on and finish the book. From that point it was probably only 3 weeks until I had a complete first draft. I do have to say I'm pretty sure it wasn't just me working on the book - I had some inspirational help :)

From there I went through the process of revision and editing to a couple of months later I have a draft ready for submission. I submitted it to all the big publishers that I felt sold to the audience I was trying to reach. No one wanted to publish it - sadly they never tell you exactly why other than they don't think it will make them enough money :P However, I do feel strongly that the topic I chose has been a bit controversial and is still controversial and often times in the case of publishers I was approaching, they don't go for controversial. Especially because my book addressed feminism, yes feminism, and I often feel that is the Mormon 'F' word.

So my book has sat for over 4 years - I wasn't sure what to do with it and sometimes thought perhaps I had only written it for myself. But our society is amazing in the technological advances that happen and in the last year I found I could self publish to ebook  and perhaps reach a few people.

And I'm writing this blogpost to let it be known that shortly (hopefully by the end of this week) my book will be available for purchase on Amazon. Yes, this is self promotion but I do it only because I wrote the book feeling like it was something that needed to be said and could be helpful to others. I will post on Facebook when it is actually available but I do have to say I'm excited to finally be at this point. For a little teaser here is the book cover (this was what took me the longest to get it ready for publication - you have to design and create your own cover!). Any feedback on the book cover would of course be accepted and appreciated!

I've been thinking alot lately about choice and how much this entire life rests on choice and our ability to make choices. I've been thinking about it for a lot of different reasons. One main reason is because of a very prevailing attitude and belief in society that there are things about ourselves that are just "who we are," which gives rise to the thought or belief then that those things cannot be changed.

The biggest problem with this belief? It is SO easy to fall into! I've also been thinking alot about it because I've been thinking about the challenges all of us face in life - not the same challenges for each of us, but all of us struggle with something - that thorn in the flesh that Paul talked about in Corinthians. A struggle that you don't just overcome, that you work on, but it doesn't seem to get better. Something you often face or live with every day of your life. Sometimes it is exhausting and seems easier to just say - well it us just who I am - I can't change.

It is interesting though how insidiously this mocks and discounts one of the most important things in this life - the Atonement. When we say we cannot change, we are partially right (and oh does Satan love those little half truths) because many times on our own we cannot make the needed change. But to deny change at all, denies the power of the Atonement to give us the strength we need and the power to be able to change.

Sometimes though I think the true test is not in being able to change something completely - those thorns in the flesh but in relying on the power of the Atonement each day with the strength in your ability to make the right choice each day regardless of the struggle. Because at least for me, some struggles that I've prayed for years to be taken away or for me to be able to overcome, those specific things have not happened. So now I pray for the strength each day in my desire to make the right choice regardless.

One of the biggest reasons we are also here on earth is because of and for choice - I always think about the saying I've heard that agency was so important that Heavenly Father lost 1/3 of His children. Choice/agency was what Satan wanted to destroy - but it is also the thing that allows us to be able to learn and grow and then through the Atonement to become like our Heavenly Father. And so everyday Satan attacks our agency and perpetuates as many falsehoods as possible about our ability to choose.

I have also been thinking about choice in regards to the blogpost I posted only for a short time the other day. Very few of you probably even saw it, because after I posted it I wasn't happy with the conclusion I had drawn. I'm going to include that post now but add to it.

*Have you ever just not liked someone? They just totally get on your nerves and you can't stand to be around them? There are very few people in this world that I don't like. In fact, in thinking about it I can't even come up with enough people to quantify a "list."

So it is a little strange when I come across someone I just really dislike. I don't think I will ever hate someone but a very strong dislike is apparently possible :P However, because it is unusual I've been thinking alot about why I don't like this person. What makes it even more strange is that I don't know this person, personally, I haven't met them officially, and the only conversations we've ever had can't really be classified as conversations since they consisted of, "Hey. How are you?" "Good, how are you?" That is really quite minimal in the conversation department :P
You may be asking then, why I don't like this person if:
A: I don't even really know them
B: I haven't really interacted with them
C: I won't be doing A anytime soon and B also won't be happening

That really is then the million dollar question. I must say in my defense I've heard enough interactions of this person and also received information from a very reliable source to have formed an opinion. Granted I know the picture I have is not complete and my opinion is biased for few different reasons, but somehow that still doesn't change for me that I really don't like this person.
The scary thing is, that most often when you don't like someone it says more about you than it does about that other person. And usually when you don't like someone there are specific reasons you don't like them - I could make a list why I don't like this person but that is not the purpose of this post :P, and usually the things that make up this list are "secretly" things you don't like about yourself. And sometimes they are things you fear are part of who you are (hence the "real" reason for not including a list :P).

Kind of a scary prospect, huh?

The other million dollar question then becomes - "What to do, what to do?"

I should pray for charity towards this person, the problem is right now I don't WANT to have charity towards them. So I suppose that means I should pray to WANT to have charity. Hmmm - or I could work through all the issues about myself that this person somehow reminds me of. Yeah I'm sure THAT is going to happen. What would life be without a few issues and I'm not talking magazines here.

For right now, I'm going to be a hater and just work on being tolerant.*

Yeah I decided I totally wasn't happy with that conclusion :P I mean seriously, what kind of attitude was that? I would love to say that I didn't really come to that conclusion and decide on it, if even for a few hours, but that isn't the case. So I realized I do need to pray for charity but then I need to make the choice to do something different. The great thing about choice is what we can make things happen - we can be agents unto ourselves to act and not be acted on.

It was a good exercise though in thinking about choice and the choice I have to not necessarily decide what happens to me and sometimes the feelings that come but I get to decide how I respond.

And I choose a different response.

In a book, the ending can make or break how I feel about the story. No matter how much I enjoyed the last several hundred pages, the end can ruin the entire thing. And if it is a really good book, movie, speaker, or activity I don't actually want the end to come.

On the other hand, if I'm not enjoying the book, movie, speaker, presentation, etc. I long for a quick ending, which of course never seems to come fast enough.

Sometimes I'm ambivalent about an ending - for example, back in the day when I served as RS president in the BYU singles ward I was attending, I had mixed feelings when I was released. Part of me was happy, part of me was sad - I would miss it but I also wouldn't.

This is how I feel about a pretty major decision I've made that has brought about an end to something I've done for the last few years. When I made the decision to start grad school a couple of years ago, I began to look for volunteer opportunities because "everyone" says that looks great on your CV or resume. I looked at a lot of different opportunities and applied for several. Thinking back now, I'm not even sure why I actually picked the place I eventually started volunteering for. It wasn't a cause I had given a ton of thought but somehow it was the one that worked out.

So for the last few years I've volunteered/worked for The Center for Women and Children in Crisis, which provides support and resources for victims of domestic violence and rape/sexual assault. Not your typical "feel good" type of place to spend time at. I started as a volunteer, volunteering just one day a week for 2 hours. Somehow as the months passed I became the volunteer coordinator, handling all of the volunteer responsibilities and overseeing the volunteers as well as teaching a weekly psycho-educational class on domestic violence and even helping with a children's group for a time.

Some times it was hard - you don't hear very nice things when working with those that have experienced domestic violence or rape/sexual assault. But I wouldn't change the experience for anything. I often feel as if I learned and grew more than any of the people I interacted with, helped or worked with.

But as of Tuesday of this week, I handed over all of the responsibilities I've had and beyond helping with a final volunteer training in September, I've finished my time at The Center for Women and Children in Crisis. And it is a little bittersweet - and it feels a little strange. I don't think it has sunk in all the way yet. I will miss the challenge and also the wonderful people that I got to work with and interact with.

One of the hardest parts about it is that I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be filling my time with instead. For those of you that know me, you know I have a hard time not being busy most of the time. Relaxing sometimes makes me feel lazy. Perhaps the Lord is trying to tell me something? :P

In other news - I'm excited to be moving in a few weeks - ok, I'm not excited for the actual moving part but excited for the new opportunities this move with bring. I've moved more this year than in the past 6 years combined and at this point I really question why I own so many books? :P Also, in SUPER exciting news, I'm going to Hawaii in November. I cannot say how excited I am and how much I'm looking forward to the trip. And November should be a great time to be in Hawaii!

Some might call  her Karma - but regardless of her name, sometimes she makes like interesting. Murphy's Law is pretty well known and I know I've cursed this law many a time - because there are periods in life when if something can go wrong it will and does. But his sister's law seems to happen more frequently and in a sneakier manner. What is this law I speak of?

I googled (it often kills me these days what we take nouns and make them verbs, but I still do it), to see if there was another accepted law connected to Murphy's Law but couldn't find anything. I also googled karma to find out a more precise definition. Too often I hear words thrown around that I think the majority of the population really only has a vague idea of what the word means, but they still use it, but that is a discussion for another post. The definitions of karma are mainly dependent on religion, but for the sake of this post I'm going with, what you send out is what you receive.

Where I've seen this happen, and the situations I now dub with Karma's Law or Murphy's Sister is if you say, "This _______ has never happened to me" then inevitably a short time later, the thing you just gloated about having never had happen will happen. Usually it is little things, but always things you are GLAD have never happened to you.

For example, just last week, I was discussing the parking situation at my current place of residence. I live in a group of townhomes, all of which have two car garages, plus 3 additionally parking spots in the cul-de-sac area that are free game for whomever parks there first. So I was remarking on how I had never had to park out on the street as I had always arrived home to find one of the 3 additional spots available.

But you will never guess what happened the next day!?!?! Yep - I arrived home to find all 3 of the spots full and with lots of joy I got to park my car on the street. Now of course this isn't the end of the world, as it simply means I had to walk a little further and worry a little that since we live at the base of a hill someone might come over the hill not paying attention and hit my car.

It is the irony that kills me - that it seemed simply because I had said it NEVER had happened, it happened the exact next day and the exact thing I had mentioned. And it doesn't seem to happen with good things - I was discussing this issue with my roommate and we both agreed that saying something you wanted never happened doesn't cause that thing to happen. So me saying, "I never win a million dollars!" does not somehow have me win the lottery the next day or have a rich relative die and leave me a million.

So Murphy's sister, I've got my eye on you.

Here's to a double-header blogpost. Lots of fun things to report so enjoy!

So my grand experience of the world was to little ol' Fernley, NV. I imagine most of you don't even know where Fernley is in Nevada. Never fear, geography was never my strong point either, though even if it was, I still probably wouldn't have randomly known where Fernley was. In the past 2 weeks however, I spent 4 days there and 2 full days of driving between there and Utah. Yay for summer vacations :P

The lowdown -

My dad grew up in Fernley and my aunt (my dad's sister) still lives there. So we had a semi-family reunion type of vacation where my uncle and aunt and a couple of my cousins and one second cousin came as well as my Grandpa. My little sister was "lucky" enough to be able to go with my parents and myself to our little family reunion. It was nice to be able to see this side of the family because I can count on both hands the number of times I've seen any of them in the course of my entire life (which given my advancing age is a large number of years). :P

We headed out bright and not quite as early as planned on Wednesday morning. My parents had decided we would take the lesser traveled route to get there, which gave us the great opportunity of driving on the road called "The Loneliest Road in America" and let me tell you it really is the loneliest road. Nothing to see for miles and miles except sagebrush, dirt and dust devils. You are lucky to even see other traffic. The most exciting part of the drive was having to stop for road construction, seeing things move on the side of the road - lots of things, which looked big and brown and a little creepy. After sitting there for almost 20 minutes with no sign of us being able to move I got out of the car to see what actually was crawling around out there. It ended up being this -

And you thought todays sewing patterns were complicated!

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”
~ C. Joybell C.

Life is always full of experiences - experiences that bring about change, experiences that make us laugh, experiences that make us cry, experiences that add joy, etc., etc.

Last Saturday I went with my roommate Mindy to see the Beauty and Belief exhibit at the BYU Museum of Art. The exhibit was showing all kinds of things from the Islamic culture both past and present and explained much of their significance. Mindy was a good sport to go along with me and it was nice to laugh, discuss and talk about the different things we saw. I will admit that I know very little about the Islamic culture and was very happy to learn some new things and have a glimpse into a different experience.

It was fascinating to learn the importance Islam places about words and the written word. Being an English major I feel like I have a little bit of insight and appreciation for the written word but not even close to the emphasis in Islam. Almost everything, from a bowl to a wall or floor tile had written words on them, some with so ornate of designs we both marveled at how long it must have taken them to complete them. In addition, not only is there an appreciation for the written word but also much of the culture and religion works to express the written word through art as well.

We also discussed how it was a little sad that if there were an exhibit of our current time, period and culture how there wouldn't be much to see. An Iphone in a glass case isn't very exciting because it just sits there. Overall, I highly recommend going to see the exhibit. It was a great experience.

Another "growing" experience was I sang a solo in sacrament meeting on Sunday. Now I've sung for people before but in singing a solo in church I've always sung the same song. "Consider the Lilies" has been my go to song because I know it so well the nerves are more easily overcome. But I decided it was time to branch out and push myself, so I practiced and practiced "Savior, Redeemer of My Soul." It is such a beautiful song and it is about the Savior so I think it would be hard to mess up but I was very happy to have it go smoothly even though I was so nervous. And the people in my ward and my roommates were very complimentary, which made it better. I also know the little prayer I said beforehand asking for help and for the spirit to be there made a difference. It would be nice to get to the point where I don't get so nervous when singing in front of people because I really enjoy singing!

And lastly sometimes I get a little disillusioned with people - in general more than specifically. So I love those experiences that remind how wonderful people can be. As I mentioned in the previous post, I moved a few weeks ago and am so happy to have two wonderful roommates. It really does make such a difference! And I just wanted to share what my one roommate Mindy did because it was so thoughtful. I had written Mindy a little note to tell her thank you because she is an awesome person and awesome people should be thanked for being awesome :P The next morning, which left little time between when I had given her the note and she left for work, she gave me a little bag that had individually wrapped "portions" of chocolate covered cinnamon bears, which are one of my favorite treats as well as a cute quote from President Hinckley tied to each little portion. Here is what they looked like -