Ponderous Simplicity

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”
~ C. Joybell C.

Life is always full of experiences - experiences that bring about change, experiences that make us laugh, experiences that make us cry, experiences that add joy, etc., etc.

Last Saturday I went with my roommate Mindy to see the Beauty and Belief exhibit at the BYU Museum of Art. The exhibit was showing all kinds of things from the Islamic culture both past and present and explained much of their significance. Mindy was a good sport to go along with me and it was nice to laugh, discuss and talk about the different things we saw. I will admit that I know very little about the Islamic culture and was very happy to learn some new things and have a glimpse into a different experience.

It was fascinating to learn the importance Islam places about words and the written word. Being an English major I feel like I have a little bit of insight and appreciation for the written word but not even close to the emphasis in Islam. Almost everything, from a bowl to a wall or floor tile had written words on them, some with so ornate of designs we both marveled at how long it must have taken them to complete them. In addition, not only is there an appreciation for the written word but also much of the culture and religion works to express the written word through art as well.

We also discussed how it was a little sad that if there were an exhibit of our current time, period and culture how there wouldn't be much to see. An Iphone in a glass case isn't very exciting because it just sits there. Overall, I highly recommend going to see the exhibit. It was a great experience.

Another "growing" experience was I sang a solo in sacrament meeting on Sunday. Now I've sung for people before but in singing a solo in church I've always sung the same song. "Consider the Lilies" has been my go to song because I know it so well the nerves are more easily overcome. But I decided it was time to branch out and push myself, so I practiced and practiced "Savior, Redeemer of My Soul." It is such a beautiful song and it is about the Savior so I think it would be hard to mess up but I was very happy to have it go smoothly even though I was so nervous. And the people in my ward and my roommates were very complimentary, which made it better. I also know the little prayer I said beforehand asking for help and for the spirit to be there made a difference. It would be nice to get to the point where I don't get so nervous when singing in front of people because I really enjoy singing!

And lastly sometimes I get a little disillusioned with people - in general more than specifically. So I love those experiences that remind how wonderful people can be. As I mentioned in the previous post, I moved a few weeks ago and am so happy to have two wonderful roommates. It really does make such a difference! And I just wanted to share what my one roommate Mindy did because it was so thoughtful. I had written Mindy a little note to tell her thank you because she is an awesome person and awesome people should be thanked for being awesome :P The next morning, which left little time between when I had given her the note and she left for work, she gave me a little bag that had individually wrapped "portions" of chocolate covered cinnamon bears, which are one of my favorite treats as well as a cute quote from President Hinckley tied to each little portion. Here is what they looked like -

It is interesting how much of a difference the "small things" make.

Just a few short months ago, I felt it was time to make a change and so I moved from the place I had been living for 2 1/2 years. I was ready for somewhere a little quieter, with less roommates, which meant (hopefully) it would be and stay a little cleaner without me feeling like a maid. Unlike what usually happens for me, things happened really quick where I found a place that seemed ideal - one roommate who was quiet and clean. It all started well - the roommate really was clean and quiet and I never had to worry about having to clean up after her or loud get togethers or movies going until 1 or 2 in the morning. And while she wasn't the friendliest person in the world we chatted a couple of times and exchanged pleasantries in passing - so not exactly balmy California or Florida but not like the Arctic or anything.

Sadly, it only took a few weeks for things to go south - or north because things got ALOT cooler and even ended up being downright frigid. I'm still not sure if something specific happened or she just really didn't want to have a roommate, though from things I've learned since it does appear to be the latter and not due to the fact that I didn't rinse the bathtub out well enough or use only exactly half of the fridge. Needless to say I quickly learned in greater depth than I would have like that people really do send of vibes - and when they are negative vibes it isn't very pleasant. So even when she wasn't at home, there seemed to be a pall surrounding the place. And it was a small enough place that you couldn't go anywhere in the apartment and not feel it. It has made me much more aware of the vibes or aura or whatever you want to call it that I project at different times.

This has led me to be extremely grateful for the small things. Thankfully, I've been able to move to another place that has already helped to lift the dark cloud I've felt surrounded by the last couple of months.

So I am grateful for small things like -

* Sitting next to your roommates in church feeling uplifted and edified as they share a spiritual experience, but also at another point being able to all laugh at something funny you just observed during Sacrament Meeting.

* Chatting with your roommate for a few hours while your doing something or she is cooking in the kitchen.

* Having both of your roommates say have a good day as they leave for work.

* Knowing when you come home your roommates will be happy to see you and you are happy to see them.

* Knowing if you needed something you could ask them. It really brought things home as far as how  things had declined or how bad it was when I had a blowout early one morning while out ride my bike and I was about 7 miles from home and I didn't even consider calling my roommate for help because I knew she wouldn't come.

* You are made to feel a part of living there rather than an intruder.

It stinks living somewhere that is difficult but I can see how living there has helped me to see and understand the things that are important to me and that I really am grateful for. I don't think my current roommates read my blog but if either one of you ever does read this post, I hope you know how grateful I am for you! It makes me want to be a better roommate and not fall into some of the not so great habits I did at the last place I lived as far as being much more aware of those around me and always striving to be welcoming and friendly.

In other news  - I'm leaving to go on vacation tomorrow and I'm super excited. It seems like it has been FOREVER since I went on vacation since last year I had to use my PTO on having surgery, which let me tell you is no vacation :) So here's to the small things - paying attention to them and being grateful for them because they really do make a difference!

but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz. As time passes and certain things have left my life and others that I expected to come into my life, haven't, I have found it necessary to find and try new things in order to keep life interesting and to continue to strive to improve myself. One of the best things about trying something new is when you find that you really like it. So here are some new things I've tried and my feelings on them.

Just over 3 weeks ago I started guitar lessons for the first time. I calculated it and I've had my guitar for over 22 years and I'm just now learning how to play it. But better late then never right? I've tried picking it up several times over the past 22 years and just haven't been able to stick with it so I did wonder if I would enjoy it and want to continue to do lessons. But good news! I LOVE it. At least right now I'm have a lot of fun. Part of that I'm sure has to do with my teacher - it isn't always a good idea to take lessons from a friend but in this case it has been a good experience and lessons are always interesting, fun and I learn things! But my favorite part is being able to practice - I enjoy being able to see progress even if it is small. And right now things are coming pretty easy because I do know SOME things about music. And the tips of my fingers on my left hand are getting some nice callouses...LOL

Something else I'm really enjoying that isn't quite as new but I still consider new is my road bike. Last October I bit the bullet and spent a bit of money on a road bike. One of the best investments EVER. I didn't get a lot of time to ride it before it got to cold but since we've had such a mild end of winter and spring I've been able to do quite a few 15-20 mile rides around various areas. And it is quite the thrill to be able to cruise down the road or down a hill at 40 miles an hour on the bike or kill a big hill that you would never have been able to ride up with a regular bike without going into cardiac arrest.

However, I've come to realize something the more I ride my bike. I don't have "road rage" in my car, I get it on my bike and that isn't a safe time to have it! Since I have a road bike, I of course ride on the side of the road, which I have to point out, I am legally allowed to do. And did you know that as a motorist it is illegal to ride closer than 3 feet to a moving cyclist? Now sometimes I recognize the road isn't wide enough for the car not to drive a little closer to me than I would like. I understand that is a risk I take riding on the road. But when I get mad is when a car that has plenty of room on their left side, drives as close as possible to the white line and in turn to me!! And that is when my "bike rage" comes out and I want to yell and wave my fist at them. Given that I am courteous as a rider and follow the law it would be least others can do to do the same! But since everyone follows the laws of the road SO WELL I guess I shouldn't expect anything else. I just need to remember that my bike can't take on someone's car :)

The last thing I wanted to share that I've tried is a ste aerobics class. It has been a couple of months now but when a class at the gym wasn't quite what I wanted anymore I let an acquaintance talk me into trying out the step class held at the same time. I must admit I've been pleasantly surprised how much I actually enjoy it. I must admit my stereotype was that step was for old ladies as I fondly remember my mom's Jane Fonda aerobics tapes. Step aerobics also make me think of the eighties and while I was born in the eighties there are some things about that time period I just can't appreciate.

I did find out though that step is like learning a new language!! You know the feeling when someone speaks and says the first word and you are so busy trying to translate that you miss everything else they say afterwards. Step sometimes feels alot like that. I guess I shouldn't have expected to know this, but I didn't know that all the steps and things have names. And of course given that I hadn't ever been to a step class I had no idea what the ham curl, figure 8 or soldier step was supposed to look like. After a couple of months I still sometimes feel lost and if a move involves switching the position of your feet or spinning around, I just throw my hands up in the air.

But overall it has been FUN and a great workout. And I now feel like I speak a second language.

So before time kills YOU off what have you been doing fun or new lately?

Life has felt pretty tough for too long - unmet expectations, plans that don't work out how you plan, uncertainty in too many aspects of life, a forced change of dreams, etc. So I've thought alot lately about happiness and while I've always had the mindset that happiness is what you make of it rather than the circumstances you are in. But as many of you can attest to if this is also a mindset you strive for, it is MUCH easier said than done :)

But a few weeks ago, I got a new calling since I moved and am in a different ward. And while I don't normally share what was said in the setting apart, he said something that I was a little surprised by but have thought alot about it and wanted to share. He said that I would be blessed with an abundance of happiness - so not just that I would be happy or find happiness but and ABUNDANCE of happiness. In my book that is ALOT of happiness.

Given that life has felt tough for so long, though, and abundance of happiness seemed a little far-fetched. So I've been waiting, looking, watching, seeking that abundance of happiness. But in the weeks that have passed that abundance hasn't seemed any closer than the moon.

However, I was just sitting at work this morning, tired because this week has been crazy and yesterday was non-stop and I suddenly realized happiness had somehow crept up on me and I haven't even realized it. And as I analyzed it (because everything deserves a good analysis) I realized I'm excited for what life has ahead even though for some of the biggest things in my life I have no idea what they are but I'm excited for the challenges and the different things I've become involved in. And I just wanted to share a few things that have contributed to my abundance :)

* The miracle and power of the Atonement. I recently read Elder Bednar's talk again that was in April's Ensign that he gave at a devotional awhile ago about the enabling power of the Atonement and it has been such an inspiration in making the power of the Atonement more real in my everyday life. If you haven't read it, go read it now!

* Those people in your life that just always provide support and encouragement when you need it. Who are always willing to provide a listening ear.

* Laughter - especially shared laughter. There is nothing quite so cathartic as laughing together with others. I went to a luncheon yesterday with women from the shelter agency I work with and the entire hour or so I was there we talked and laughed and I cannot tell you how much better that makes any day.

* New people in your life that you are getting to know who are amazing and accepting and help you to feel apart of something and who inspire you to want to be a better person.


So I would not have expected happiness to be creepy :P Or to creep up on me but somehow it has and an abundance of happiness really is amazing and can be found and enjoyed even in the rough times!

I know I need to get my next post done for my "life history" but I'm going to take a quick commercial break because I know how much we all LOVE commercials:) Hopefully, this "commercial" will be on the same level as those great Super Bowl ads rather than the duds.

First some fun things I've done lately -

#1 - Went to the Tulip Festival on Saturday. I've never been to the festival and even though it was rainy and a little cold and windy at times it was alot of fun and the gardens at Thanksgiving Point really are beautiful. Tulips with pointy ends are probably my favorite type to look at -

I don't know how it is for everyone else but my memories of when I was young are just kind of a big conglomeration with no real linear timeline assigned to the things I remember. One little addendum to my previous entry was something that happened when I was still young enough NOT to remember it. Sometime when I was approximately 3 or perhaps 2 1/2 I had the chicken pox along with my other 3 siblings alive at the time. From what my mom says I scratched alot but HELLO - when something itches are you supposed to scratch it? Especially when you are that young and just don't understand! I'm grateful though I don't remember it, and that my oldest sister was kind enough to bring it home from school when I was still young enough not to remember. And I'm pleased to report that having them that young did make me immune as several times during grade school, beginning in kindergarten I was exposed to them but never had them again. I do remember being a bit worried though that I was going to catch them because one of the cases I had just played with the kid at recess only to come in and have the teacher diagnose him with chicken pox and send him home. But nothing ever happened from it, other than my worrying - even back then I was a pretty conscientious little thing about wanting to avoid being around someone who is sick - it is still something I struggle with!

One thing I do remember from my childhood and it began pretty young because there is a picture of me holding it - but I LOVED He-Man action figures. No Barbies for me! He-Man was awesome and I had pretty much the entire collection of characters that went with He-Man - Skeletor, She-Ra, Metenna, Orko, Evil-lyn, Prince Adam, Sorceress, Battle Cat, etc, etc. They were my favorite toys and like I said I have a picture of me sitting out on the front step of our house holding He-Man. I'm thankful my Mom didn't make me play with Barbies and probably with a little reservation got the He-Man toys I wanted.

When I was around 3 also, we moved from St. George back to Payson. I don't remember much about the house we lived in specifically but I remember there was a tree that often had the big, fat, green caterpillars on them (it says alot about me that several of my memories from being younger are of bugs and things). We also lived just down the street from my grandparents and one of my favorite things to do at my grandparents house was to ride the big wheels they had. They had a couple of different ones and I loved to ride them around my grandparents house and occasionally when I got brave enough, down the "big" hill that was also by their house.

Another interesting tidbit from when I was young that occasionally is still around is that I used to smile all the time - enough that people commented on it and my mom called me her little sunshine. I sometimes still get comments that I smile alot but if you know me pretty well I definitely don't smile all the time but I can smile quite a bit especially if I'm around people I enjoy being around. And of course when I was younger my hair was super curly. If only my hair longer and curly looked as good as it did when I was 3-5 years old! But of course I suppose I still don't want to look quite like I did then - THAT might be a little weird.

That's all today folks - my next post will document my memories of starting school and moving again to a different house in good ol' Payson!

Once upon a time, back when the dinosaurs still roamed the earth...ok, ok...it wasn't THAT long ago :) It all really began on December 7th, 1981 during the morning I believe in Payson, Utah. Whenever anyone asks my birthday I always tell them it is Pearl Harbor Day - to all of you who didn't know December 7th is Pearl Harbor Day I hope you remember it from now on. I haven't ever been told specific stories about my birth so I assume for the most part it was uneventful. However at some later point, not in the too distant future I was diagnosed with Port Wine Stain. For more information about it click here - http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002446/. Thankfully, I don't have any port wine stain on my face or anywhere where you can actually see it given the clothes I choose to wear :P However, the Dr. was concerned about my development as it can contribute to developmental deficiencies. My mom told me after this for a couple of years they pushed me harder than normal always telling me - "You can do it." I'm pretty sure this is the foundation for why I always try to find some other way to do something if at first I can't figure it out or it isn't working. In addition, though never technically diagnosed by a Dr. given that it didn't manifest the rest of the symptoms until later, I don't just have port wine stain but actually a syndrome called Klippel-Trenaunay (you can find more information here - http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002446/. For those of you who have never seen my hands held up in comparison ask me to show you sometime as my left hand is about 1 1/2 inches longer and bigger than my right. My left leg also has the privileged of dealing with all of the symptoms such as abnormal bone or tissue growth and varicose veins. However, for the most part the syndrome doesn't affect everyday functioning and hasn't inhibited me in anyway.

I am the 3rd oldest in my family with a older brother and sister. Obviously, the majority of the first couple years of my life I don't really have any memory of but a couple things of note - sometime in my 1st year I caught pneumonia. My mom says she came in to check on me and my lips were blue. So they rushed me to the hospital where I spent time in air tent. Thankfully I fully recovered from the pneumonia and have no memory of dealing with it. Also, when I was about 2 years old and we were now living in St. George and my younger brother Adam had been born, I was pushing him around in the baby walker and pushed him over by the stairs that went down. Needless to say I left him there, which resulted in him tumbling down the stairs, biting through his tongue and have to be rushed to the Dr. My family and brother still give me a hard time about this, saying I was trying to get rid of him :) but obviously at that age I didn't quite have a grasp on what would happen by leaving him there unattended. Nor do I even remember the event.

My first memories though are from St. George where we lived until I was about 3. My main memory is of the large snails that inhabited our yard that my two older siblings and myself would throw into the road and wait for a car to drive by and squish them because they made quite the crunching noise - makes for an interesting first memory. I also remember we had a fabulous playroom in our house and I remember the older lady we stayed with while my mom had my younger brother. But each of those memories is pretty fuzzy with just a vague recollection.

So those are the first few years of my life. Not a whole lot of detail but obviously with more memories comes more detail so stay tuned for the next entry!