Ponderous Simplicity

I will not be bullied

I will not be silent

I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman. I believe that sexual relations outside of marriage are wrong. I believe there are right and wrong things in this world. Here is a great article that states concisely most of my thoughts on this. And I will continue to stand for my belief of how marriage should be defined. But I will also work for rights such as protection in housing and employment in all relationships.

And those that believe in a broader definition of marriage will continue to fight for that. We each must choose to stand for the beliefs that we have and I would hope each of us stand strong for what we believe. But fighting for what we believe should not ever entail hate or unkindness to anyone. We just need to

STOP IT

S..T..O..P space I...T

Right now my sphere of interaction isn't very big. This is a sad thing to me but currently how my life is. So I don't have many people I interact with on a daily basis where we talk about deep important issues that matter to each of us - some of which we would probably disagree on, both in principle and what is considered right or wrong.

But I want to tell you a bit of story to illustrate my point. I went to UVU to get my undergraduate degree. I loved going there and learned a lot. The biggest and most valuable thing I learned though was how not to feel threatened when someone had beliefs, thoughts and ideas different than my own. Two of the people I most respect in this world are former professors, neither LDS, with who I know we share very different beliefs in a lot of areas. We disagree about what is right or wrong probably in many things even in ways and things we do currently in our lives. But in their classes and since that time (I'm still in contact with both) that has never been a problem.

I remember a particular moment that was kind of the capstone to this learning for me. I was in my Philosophy of Feminism class. It was almost the end of the semester and I went to class on a particular day knowing we were going to be discussing The Family: A Proclamation to the World. I was super nervous and a little afraid of how I thought this class would go. What would be said against the proclamation or about deeply held beliefs I had come to gain for myself?

But the class was awesome and I left feeling amazed and energized.

How? Why?

Definitely not because everything said in the class supported the proclamation or my beliefs - in fact very little was said in support. But the professor created a space of discussion and understanding. A place each of us could express our beliefs and thoughts about it and not feel threatened when someone thought differently.

That class and these two professors both create spaces of understanding and respect. That is what we need in this world. Not name calling. Not unkindness towards those that are different, believe different and fight for what they believe.

So tell your story....tell your experience...but don't project that experience onto everyone else. I DESPISE stereotypes. STOP IT....if you had a bad experience with the LDS Church, or it wasn't your cup of tea, or you disagree with its teachings, that is great. Share what you believe. But don't call names or place your experience onto everyone else. Likewise if your belief is that marriage is between a man and a woman, or you feeling strongly about what is right or wrong, or you know someone who identifies as gay or lesbian treat them as people. People who are trying to live their life the best they can. Show love and kindness. Talk and laugh about things that matter to you and create that space of understanding and respect that you see some things differently.

Teach our children and those in our lives that a difference of belief isn't about hate. Do some people act hateful when confronted with different beliefs.

DEFINITELY

But that isn't because disagreement and belief that certain things are wrong inherently generates hate. It is because people allow themselves to be ruled by fear - fear of what they don't understand.

So teach our children and in our classrooms how to create that space of understanding and respect for a difference of belief. Teach them they will come in contact with people who are not kind for a variety of reasons but that doesn't lessen their worth.

Teach these things instead of teaching that those that believe differently are hateful simply because of a difference in belief. Otherwise as soon as someone declares a difference in belief almost automatically the thought is they must hate me. And that hurts - no one likes to feel hated.

But we can change the suicide rate and help the feelings of self hatred...but not by bullying everyone into the same beliefs. But by teaching how to create that space of understanding and respect.

I hope we can all strive to show love and kindness towards everyone - same beliefs or not. And all of us stand for the beliefs that we do have while being open to hearing what others believe.

This isn't a news flash to anyone - life is hard. We all face challenges, difficulties, unmet expectations, and even hurt and trauma because of other's actions. Sometimes the pain is agonizing and we wonder why it has to be so hard and hurt so much.

I look at the things others face and often wonder how they make it through. Or sometimes I see other people that never seem to face any challenges - but regardless of what I see I know everyone faces challenges - challenges that drive them to their knees, that wrench their heartstrings, and often cause them to feel as if they will break.

I've felt that before - my own unique challenges lately have made me want to just give up when it seemed even my strengths were working against me and causing me heartache and difficulty. I was feeling discouraged....disheartened....weary

It is amazing though what something inspiring can do. I listened to this talk - Christmas and Christ's Invitation to Become as a Little Child and it was as if the weight was lifted and my mind started churning how I would refuse to be beat.

Here are some keys my mind expanded on -

#1 - Become as a little child. Every other aspect I thought of tied to this and how being childlike would help me feel encouraged and strengthened...invincible almost

#2 - Childlike enthusiasm - be enthusiastic. Don't be afraid to be/get really excited. Too often it seems we learn to become afraid of being TOO excited because when we are excited and then things don't work out or we are disappointed - it often feels like a punch in the stomach. And we feel discouraged. But think of the joy - if it has been awhile - remember how being excited made you feel. Everything seemed brighter...expanded...beautiful. It makes me smile just thinking about how excited a child can get and how they just let that enthusiasm flow - it is a spectacular picture.


#3 - Childlike acceptance - enthusiasm comes easier for me but not acceptance and moving on from disappointment. I think of children like ducks - disappointment, embarrassment, insecurity just seem to roll off them like water off a ducks back. When they are disappointed because of something their were wholeheartedly enthusiastic about, they may pause for a moment - you may see a frown or a maybe a little tantrum even. But 5 minutes later they've moved on - on to the next possibility or something else they are enthusiastic about.

I think that I often experience that disappointment, embarrassment, heartache and then decide the only thing to do is plop down, frown, fold my arms, and say I guess I have to stay here. It is as if when those things happen I make and then accept that they are the most important emotions and should overshadow everything else....we get mired in the negative emotion - kind of depressing, right?

Children really have a way of focusing on what matters most and so can we - we did it at one point. I love this video and how it shows us how to use that imagination to notice and take those moments that matter most.

I decided I want to try and live with childlike qualities - those qualities that help and allow me to live with joy but also weather the difficulties and disappointments.

I refused to be beat.

Maybe it is when you walk into a room full of people and you don't know any of them. Awkward...out of place....alone. Or when you are sitting at home by yourself on a Friday or Saturday night and you think, "There is no one I can call. Why doesn't anyone call me?" Alone...sad...fearful. Sometimes the feelings are overwhelming or agonizing.

Most of us feel alone or that we don't belong at different times in our lives. Usually at recurring times, periods, or situations. We want to feel that we belong, that we matter to others, that we are loved for who we are. This is in fact a need - this desire for love and belonging - Psychologist Abraham Maslow stated that human motivation is based on people seeking fulfillment and change through personal growth. In research Maslow created what is called Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. After Physiological and Safety and Security needs we all have Love and Belonging needs.

Have you ever been sitting and watching someone else play a video game....and they keep dying or getting stuck over and over until you just want to GRAB the controller and do it for them? You think, "Oh my goodness!! It isn't that hard! I could do it so easily so just give it me!?"

It makes a lot of people uncomfortable when I say I'm a feminist - often almost immediately I'm classified a certain way just by saying that term. And I have studied a lot about feminism - both world and religious specifically in regards to LDS Women. I've read about every book out there by "LDS" Feminists. In my undergrad I took a philosophy class that focused specifically on feminism. When I told friends and family I was taking that class the most common response was shock and questions like, "Are you leaving the Church?!"

It ended up being however one of my most favorite classes of my entire undergrad. I even did an entire undergraduate research paper and presentation at a national level on feminism.

So guess what??

I don't let the term 'feminism' define me except in the way I choose. The underlying definition of feminism is - "a belief or understanding of women." So I sure hope all of us are feminists. The feminism class and my subsequent research for both my research project and ultimately my book simply did one thing for me - it helped me to solidify and create a concrete foundation of what I believe it is to be a woman and my perception of my role, responsibilities and capabilities.

Now why do I tell you all of this?

For a couple of reasons but the main one is a foundation for what I say next.

I've heard a bit and done my own research about the Ordain Women movement. If you want, take a minute to check out their website - http://ordainwomen.org/   They are very respectful and not hateful at all. I think knowledge is most often power so don't be afraid of reading what they have to say - decide for yourself what you believe with no animosity for what they believe. Just because they believe differently doesn't mean your beliefs need to be threatened if you feel secure in what you feel, believe and have come to know for yourself.

But now this is my blog so yep I'm going to tell you my opinion and belief about the whole women and the priesthood, ordination, and a little bit of feminism in general :)

One of the things that is most difficult for me to hear/swallow in the feminism debate but specifically within the LDS sphere is the comment that those of us who are not "fighting the status quo" are only not doing so because either A: We are mindless sheep, B: We aren't able to form our own opinions, C: We OBVIOUSLY haven't thought about the issue enough, or D: We are afraid to go against the grain. I take issue with this because I am happy with the "status quo" - or women's position, role and place in the LDS Church, but I have thought about it deeply. I have researched heavily. I have read articles after article with a number of arguments and points. I have my own strongly held opinions and beliefs.

So why am I "ok" with the "status quo?"

I've come to recognize and interesting phenomenon within the church in the last few years. Let me use an example - say the gospel as a whole is a pie - a whole wonderful pie (mmm I really love pie). The pie is made up of a number of different slices - all still part of the same pie but also separate to a certain degree, though the slice itself wouldn't exist without the full pie and has to be "influenced" or connected to the rest of the pie to exist.

What seems to happen is that with the different "slices" of the gospel is too often we try and take a piece out of the pie and act as if it is the whole pie - existing independently of the rest of the pie and forgetting that it is insuperably connected to the rest of the pie and relies on the rest of the pie. For the sake of clarity and understanding I'm including a portion from the Ordain Women FAQ:

"Despite their gifts, talents, and aspirations, women are excluded from almost all positions of clerical, fiscal, ritual, and decision-making authority.

While women perform significant service in the Church’s auxiliaries, such as the Primary, Relief Society, Sunday School, and Young Women’s organizations, their contributions are always mediated and under the direction of male priesthood leaders. According to the Church’s Gospel Principles manual, “Men use priesthood authority to preside in the Church. . . . Women who hold positions in the Church . . . work under the direction of the priesthood.” As such, Mormon women have many delegated responsibilities but lack the authority to define and oversee those responsibilities.

This lack of female authority does not stop at the church doors. The Church’s Proclamation on the Family declares that men preside over their wives and families, thus preserving an antiquated and unequal model in both the domestic and ecclesiastical realms.

While many thoughtful men in priesthood leadership positions make decisions that include input from women, the male governing structure of the Church means that women’s voices are inevitably left out, overlooked, and discounted.

Since leadership and positional authority in Mormonism is inextricably tied to priesthood ordination, it is clear that Mormon women must be ordained in order to be full and equal participants in their Church."

So lets take a step back - if we look at the entire picture and foundational principles of the gospel why are we on this earth? To be tested, experience things we couldn't without a physical body, come to know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and through the Savior become perfected to return to live with Heavenly Father again.

Am I denied any of these things by not holding the priesthood?

Nope

I am definitely tested enough without holding the priesthood myself, thank you very much :P

I am experiencing life by having a physical body and again I'm experiencing plenty as is - even decision making, responsibility and plenty of opportunity to make decisions. If you've ever been involved in a Ward Council, when functioning as it should there are plenty of decisions made by the women that are part of the counsel.

Lastly, I can definitely and work on daily developing a deeper relationship with my Savior and Heavenly Father. I do that through prayer, scripture study, church attendance, temple attendance and just striving to know His will. And I do all of it without holding the priesthood and none of those things are inhibited by me not holding the priesthood.

The Atonement also applies to me as fully as anyone else - man or woman. Thankfully, all I have to do is strive to repent and I can be forgiven regardless of the calling I hold or that I don't hold the priesthood personally.

Lastly, I can be a full and equal participant in the Church. Does it mean I will have the same responsibilities or opportunities and anyone else in the church? No but that is applicable to both men and women. The wonderful thing about the church is we are each given different opportunities, blessings and responsibilities - why do we create this false dichotomy and say one is better than another. The church organization is a horizontal line not a vertical one - there are no ladders to climb because it isn't about where we serve in the Church - we can still accomplish what the Lord would have us PERSONALLY do and learn with the callings, responsibilities and opportunities that come to us personally.

Thus, the opinion I've gained for myself is that when I look at the ENTIRE pie - the Church structure doesn't need to be different. I feel it is as the Lord would have it be and that I'm denied nothing as it is currently.

So why am I ok with the "status quo?"

Because it doesn't really matter in the eternal scheme of things - I can still gain exaltation!